Postponing Your Wedding

Coronavirus has changed the way we operate on a day-to-day basis, from closing schools and restaurants to limiting our social interactions and ability to travel. Although our combined effort to “flatten the curve” is incredibly important to protect vulnerable populations during this pandemic, quite honestly it’s turning life upside down.

It’s okay to feel upset.

If your wedding has been impacted by the coronavirus shut downs, I’m here to tell you that it’s normal to be riding a rollercoaster of emotions right now. You might be feeling guilty about worrying about your wedding while people are losing their incomes left and right. (Spoiler alert, your losses matter too.) You might be holding back tears knowing that all your carefully made plans are washed away. You might not care as much as you expected to, and that level of zen is freaking you out. Wherever you find yourself today, I encourage you to honor those feelings and don’t dismiss the challenges that come with changing plans. It is a myth that our personal sacrifices or circumstances need to be hierarchical. Your feelings are valid, and I promise you, you aren’t alone.

You need to change plans, but to what extent?

Couples are faced with changing their wedding plans for a multitude of reasons: financial insecurity, restrictions on event sizes, temporary closure of venues or vendor services, resistance to travel, concern for their guests, and many more. There’s no rules when it comes to how to proceed, and I’m here to offer a couple of options when trying to decide what’s best for you and your fiancé.

One couple’s perspective:

Garrett and Ali’s wedding was scheduled for May 2020, but after seeing increasingly concerning news about the coronavirus, they decided to postpone.

“Although it’s disappointing, we thought it would be even more disappointing if the ones closest to us wouldn’t be able to attend our wedding because of the circumstances. We are now using this extra time as an opportunity to get on top of some of the things we were procrastinating, so now there won’t be as much stress leading up to our actual wedding day. We are also going to take some time off around our original wedding date and do a roadtrip, just the two of us, to go to some places we’ve always talked about visiting throughout our relationship.”

— Ali, May 2020 Bride

Option A: Postpone Your Wedding

You are comfortable extending your engagement and don’t have your heart set on a specific date.
- If nothing about your legal circumstances need to change (sharing insurance, for instance) and you don’t care what day you tie the knot, you have a lot of flexibility to extend your engagement and call your partner fiancé a tad bit longer!
Your non-refundable deposits to vendors are significant.
- Rather than lose your deposit, many vendors are waiving change fees and would happily move their services to a later date. For many folks in the industry, the sudden cancellation of events and demand for refunds is hurting their own ability to stay afloat and pay their employees, pay rent, etc.
It’s a priority to have all of your guests attend.
- For many couples, the wedding is not just about them, it’s about their friends and family too! You can’t imagine walking down the aisle without certain people there. Some of your guests might be facing their own financial insecurities and concerns about travel. Postponing your wedding allows them to save up money for next year and not feel torn about choosing to attend vs. practice social distancing.

Option B: Elope

Y’all just want to get married!
- Maybe you’re secretly sighing with relief at the idea of ditching the catering, the guestlist, the pressure, and the cost, and just want to say I do. You’re excited by the idea of thinking outside the box and making lemonade out of this sour situation.
Your vendors are flexible on cancellation policies.
- Some venues are flat-out closed and restaurants have been forced to lay off employees… Knowing these are extraordinary circumstances, many folks are rethinking their cancellation policies on a case-by-case basis. It never hurts to ask what options they have for you.
The timing is right.
- Maybe you want to move in together but were waiting until marriage (hello, quarantine buddy!) or maybe you were waiting to have children until being officially married. No matter your personal reason, it’s important to you to sign those papers sooner rather than later.

secret Option C: Whatever You Want

My best friend and I have a joke whenever we try to make a decision: we give each other 2 options then “secret option C” as a middle ground, a space to be indecisive, something to avoid being too black and white. I’m adding secret option C for you because I firmly believe that your wedding should be uniquely, well, YOU. That’s my approach to weddings no matter the circumstances, but with unprecedented levels of societal upheaval, everyone is throwing out the rulebook. Want to keep your photographer and florist but cut down the guestlist and get married in the backyard? Want to go to the courthouse then have a party next summer? Want to hop on a cheap flight to Costa Rica? (I don’t recommend traveling but hey can’t stop you.) The point is… this is your wedding, and most importantly your marriage, and allow yourself to embrace the ownership over that. There’s not much we can control about these circumstances, but the one thing we can control is our attitude and our grace for one another.