5 Things To Do After Getting Engaged!
You just said YES to your forever person! What happens next?
photo by Kayla Cindy Photo
Celebrate!
Obvious, right? Not necessarily for couples who are anxious about getting their place in line behind all of the covid postponements and related delays. Your fridge is already covered in Save The Dates for 2022 weddings, so you might be feeling pressure to set a date and start planning. After sharing the happy news with friends and family, popping some bubbly, and posting those ring pics on the ‘gram… Take some time to simply enjoy this giddy feeling. There will be plenty of time to plan, even if you are hoping to squeeze into 2022. But for now, spend a full week or two transitioning to fiancé, daydreaming, and living in the moment. A week won’t make or break booking your dream venue or favorite photographer. And in fact, by heeding my advice in #2-#5 as well, those extra days will save you headache and heartache later!
2. Be ready to address uncertainty.
“You must get married in our church.” “We’re invited, right?” “Who will your bridesmaids be?” “What’s your date?” “Can our kids come?” “When I got married we did _____.”
Everyone will have questions and expectations. Many will come from a place of love. Be prepared as a couple to keep things light and vague until you’ve had a chance to thoughtfully make decisions that feel right to you. Here’s a few suggestions:
“We’re taking our time to start planning and we’ll be sure to share news with you as soon as we have it!”
“I’ll keep you posted once we are able to make a decision on that.”
“I’m not sure yet, but I’ll consider that as we start planning!”
“Thank you for that advice. We’re keeping an open mind until we decide what feels like the best fit for us!”
3. Set your purpose and discuss priorities.
One of my favorite books for newly engaged couples is The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker. In it, the author urges you to get really specific about what you want to accomplish and achieve through a gathering. At first glance it seems obvious, perhaps: the purpose is a wedding. But the ‘category’ (wedding, baby shower, potluck) is not the purpose. When you have an established purpose, it helps you make better and easier decisions. The purpose is your bouncer. It lets you know what is right and wrong for your event, even in the face of outside pressures.
“The purpose of your gathering is more than an inspiring concept. It is a tool, a filter that helps you determine all the details, grand and trivial.”
Is the purpose to focus on you two as a couple? To honor your parents? To bring together friends from all phases of life to meet and connect? To experience a new place? Celebrate at a familiar and meaningful place? There’s no one right answer or right decision, but the key is to narrow down your priorities before you starting planning. I love to remind couples: the only rule when it comes to planning your wedding is… there are no rules.
photo by Victoria Carlson Photo
4. Make a budget.
This isn’t the most glamourous part of wedding planning. In fact, it can be awkward and downright stressful. But it’s a crucial step that will help inform how many guests you can have, when and where it makes sense to get married, and what vendors you’ll hire. Connect with anyone who will be financially participating in the wedding (parents, grandparents, etc.) and have an open conversation about their contribution and the strings that might be attached. It’s important to know upfront if they expect to help with planning or invite their own guests. This is a great time for boundary setting as well, if you and your partner want to establish some guidelines with family and communicate your purpose.
5. Hire a planner.
We are a tad biased, but hiring a planner as your first vendor is a decision you won’t regret! We work with couples before they even have their venue or date. If you know generally where you want to get married (i.e. Central Oregon, Maui, Seattle, Oregon Coast, etc.) then finding a planner that works in that region should be your next step! They can help recommend venues based on your budget + purpose, attend site visits, and provide resources from the very beginning of planning. Our specialty is demystifying the planning process and supporting adventurous couples who want to chart their own path to a meaningful celebration that feels uniquely them.